Alfred's day off
by purpledragon6
Summary: Dick and Wally follow Alfred to see what he does on his days off. *Black Butler References.
1. The Butler's United

"Hey Alfy, where do you go on your days off?" Dick asked his butler/grandfather figure one day.

"Well I don't see how that is any of your business, but if you must know I get together with some friends on my days off." Alfred answered adjusting his coat and walking towards the door, preparing to take his leave.

"What sorta friends?" Dick asked following him.

"Just friends, and Master Richard, Don't you have an algebra exam coming up that you still have to study for?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

Dick tensed and quickly shot to his room. The butler smirked and closed to door behind him as he walked down the driveway, got into his car and drove away, not noticing the yellow paint that left a trail behind his car.

"OK Wally, Now!" Dick whispered as he ran outta the house with the speedster well hidden behind a bush.

The little bird jumped onto his friends shoulders and the two raced off after the car. After about twenty five minutes of running the teens finally caught up with a car which was now in a parking lot at the community center.

"What would Alfred be doing here?" Both boys wondered aloud as they walked towards the building.

As they got closer they saw a sigh that read: **The Butlers United Club.**

"I've gotta see this." Wally laughed about to enter but was suddenly held back by Dick.

"Wait, put these on first so we'll blend in!" Dick said opening a box relieving to pairs of white gloves and two monocles.

After putting on their 'disguises' the two boys slunk into the front door and were shocked to see several old men wearing black suits all gathered around talking to one another. They spotted Alfred talking to a man with a mop of black hair and looked to be the youngest man in the room (Late twenties early thirties).

"Well your boy wears an eyepatch." Alfred mused sipping a cup of tea.

"And yours wears a pair of sunglasses." The man shot back.

Alfred laughed.

"You make a good point."

At that moment a man cleared his throat and everyone turned to face him.

"Attention fellow butlers. I would like to announce that the annual 'Butler Off' Will commence next Saturday the grand prize, The Golden Polishing glove." The man said as everyone Oooed and Awwed. "And also we have a new member joining us today. Master. Sam."

Alfred sighed as the red headed man walked up to the stage.

"The initiation tests are always fun to watch." He whispered as he nudged the man who nodded in response.

So for two minutes everyone watched as the man... Polished silver.

"Dude, this is so boring! Can we please leave." Wally groaned.

"Hold on a sec." Dick said as the head-Butler took the stage again.

"Well done Master. Sam, now if you'll please step to the right to collect your gloves. And that concludes this weeks meeting, and remember-"

"THE BUTLERS! UNITED! WE'LL NEVER BE DIVIDED!" They all chanted.

Dick rubbed his head.

"We can go now."

"Oh, so soon Master, Richard?" Alfred asked standing behind the two boys.

The teens gulped hard, then ran as fast as they could to the door.

**A/N: Thx Cooliochic5 for helping me come up w/ dis.**

***The man Alfred is talking to is Sebby (can't spell his name) from Black Butler. And Sam is a spoof from 'Lord of The Rings.**


	2. Party Potatoes

Today Dick ran faster then his speedster friend Wally, who was in fact the person he was going to see.

"Wally!" He shouted shaking his sleeping friend widely.

"D-dick?" Wally mumbled wiping the sleep from his eyes and glancing at his alarm clock. "Dude, its 5:45 AM, what are you doing here!?"

"Dude! Your not gonna believe this! But I just heard Alfred on the phone about 45 minutes ago! and he said some things..." Dick said sounding very scared.

"What kinda things?" Wally asked raising an eyebrow.

"He was whispering into his phone and sounded dead serious!" Dick began then swallowed hard. "He said, I just 'sauetaied* the onions', now what should I do with the remains?"

"Which could mean hes just making his famous party potatoes." Wally cut in.

"No, listen, then he says 'OK, we'll meet at the bridge and depose of them there'." Dick continued. "Then he says 'Sure you can bring Marissa, but I think shes too young to get caught up in this sorta thing."

Wally thought it over for a minute.

"I'm still not convinced, is he at the house now?"

"Yeah, last I check, but he said they meet up in and hour, and its been 45 mins so we better leave now!" Dick said but when he looked up the two were already in front of Wayne manor, both well hidden in a bush.

At that moment Alfred was walking towards his car, carrying a large bag with what looked to be a hand sticking out of the half closed zipper. He stuffed the bag into his car and closed the trunk and drove off at break neck speed. By the time it took the boys to wake up their 'dads' drag them outta bed, explain what happened and follow Alfred's car it was about 8:13 AM.

When they arrived at the apparent meeting place, they saw Alfred, a man with bleach blonde hair about forty wearing a brown suit, a man who looked to be the youngest of the group with black hair and scarlet eyes wearing a black boys remembered seeing him at the 'Butler club. Standing next to said man was a girl about Dick's age with features that matched his only her eyes were blue and she wore a black dress like outfit that came to her knees.

"Master Dick? Master Wallace?" Alfred asked. "Pray tell, your spying on me again aren't you?"

Wally sighed and walked over to Alfred.

"Dicky boy here is convinced you killed someone and all your friends are in on this plot, and can I get that young women's number?" Wally asked gesturing to the women. "Only if she isn't a murderer of course."

After Dick told his side of the story Alfred and his friends bursts out laughing.

"Master Dick, you are very far off, I was making party potatoes for dinner tonight and when I made to many, the remains as I put it, I called my friend and asked if I should bring some to Master Bridges annual golf game, the 'hand' you say was my golfing glove, I usually stuff them with Styrofoam, so I don't have to break them in."

"And the part about Marissa being to young?" Dick asked after turning 50 shades of red.

"Marissa is only 13 years of age, I thought she'd think golf was boring." Alfred explained as the girl made a face.

"Speaking of which, Master Dick and Wallance. I'd like you to meet my friends, the micheals family, and no Wally you can not have Marissa's number and Master Luke Bridge. If you didn't know by now he is also a member of the Butlers United club."

"I'm going back to bed..." Dick mumbled.

"You two are welcome to stay if you like." Luke said smiling.

"Nope, I'm leaving." Dick said turning around, but at that moment he heard a voice.

"Your right, that boy is a fag."

Dick spun around and saw a boy his age with black hair, blue eyes and an eye patch.

"I'LL SHOW YOU WHOSE THE FAG!" Dick shouted tackling the boy.

"Yeah, I think we accused the wrong man of murder." Wally mumbled picking up a club and following the others to where the game was set up.


	3. AN

**A/N: I'm debating. **

**I've come up with an idea called 'The Butler knows best'.**

**Its basically about Alfred and his role in they Bat family's lives and even his own.**

**Its a humor fic and I will be using other Butlers from other shows, such as Black Butler (obvious), Magic Kaito (If I spelled the name wrong sorry), Case closed, and maybe even other versions of Batman.**

**Anyway. Should I write the story?**

**Please review and tell me what you think**

**-Purpledragon6.**


End file.
